Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If...

Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles

You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

He refers to Klingons as "Critters"

He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"

He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

There is a stuffed possum in the Ready Room

He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"

He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks stand

He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle

He replicates items from the Graceland gift shop

The primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"

He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"

He can't wait to go off-duty, so he can wear his favourite baseball cap

He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser

He's ever been too drunk to use the Transporter

His Starfleet uniform has a slogan on it

He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

He tries to pick up alien women with animal noises and seductive tongue gestures

Visiting dignitaries have heard about his giant beer can collection

He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

He calls his second-in-command "Buddy", instead of "Number One"

He watches professional wrestling on the main viewscreen

His orders to set coordinates include the phrase "Over yonder"

He paints the starship John Deere green

He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"

There is a spit cup attached to his command chair

He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"

His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"

He grabs an Ensign and says "Lookit this before I flush it!"

His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls

He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge

His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans & weenies

Basic Jokes is not responsible for the content of the pages above.

Basic Jokes is part of the 21st Century Basics family of sites.