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Erma Bombeck


Born: 1927-02-21
Died: 1996-04-22
Erma Bombeck Biography

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
[ Funny Medical Quotes]
***
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
[ Funny Children Quotes]
***
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
[ Funny Sports Quotes]
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Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
[ Funny Sports Quotes] [ Funny Football Quotes]
***
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
[ Funny Children Quotes] [ Funny Driving Quotes]
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
[ Funny Food Quotes]
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. (on the US presidency)
[ Funny Political Quotes] [ Funny Government Quotes]
***
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
***
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a other must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
***
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
***
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
***
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
***
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