The Joke Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results

Read the funny Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results joke in Jokes about Kids to make you laugh out loud :) See how long you can go with a straight face :| after seeing the Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results joke at BasicJokes.com!
Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results

Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results Joke |
---|
What's The Joke Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results?
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE: Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO: Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE: Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY: Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. |
More Jokes

Funny Jokes Of The Day
- Blonde and Lottery ‐ Q: What do a blonde and an instant …
- Lesbian Dinosaur ‐ Q: What do you call a lesbian …
- Shih tzu + Bulldog ‐ What do you get when you cross …
- 747 ‐ What's the difference between a …
- St. Patrick Taunts ‐ Three Englishmen drink in a bar …
- Blonde Headlights ‐ Q: Why did the blonde get pulled …
- The Test ‐ A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician …
- Tennis Balls ‐ One day while jogging, a man noticed …
- Fishing Pajamas ‐ A man phones home from the office …
- What Not to Say to a Policeman ‐ -- I can't reach my license unless …
- American in Mexico ‐ There was this American tourist …
- The Bar ‐ A guy walked into a …
- Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Bungee ‐ Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went …
- Southern Belle in Paris ‐ A southern girl returned home after …
- Lincoln Booty Call... Splitter ‐ Don't you want to know why they …
- Monks Made a Mistake ‐ One day, two monks were in the …
- Four Blondes in a Pickup ‐ Four blondes drive to a bar in …
- Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Redwoods ‐ Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses California …
- Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... Police Report ‐ Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported …
- A Blonde and Her Thermos ‐ At work, a blonde notices her that …