Jokes about Kids

-- Your refrigerator holds more solid foods than liquids.

-- You've lost the thread on your favorite soap opera.

-- 8 a.m. means shower and shave, not wake and bake.

-- You file taxes with more than three digits.

-- You hear your favorite songs in doctor's waiting rooms and when you're on hold with the bank.

-- You're not carded anymore for anything.

-- You carry an umbrella.

-- You now know there's no such thing as "looking mature."

-- You get your news from sources other than ESPN and MTV.

-- Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.

-- Doing shots and smoking cigarettes guarantees midnight dry heaves and a sinus attack instead of midnight skinny dipping and a Big Mac attack.

-- You go from 130 days to seven days of vacation time.

-- You actually eat breakfast foods -- at breakfast time.