Dirty Jokes

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I almost had an affair with a woman."

The priest asks, "What do you mean 'almost'?"

"Well, we got undressed and pressed together, but then I stopped."

The priest replies, "Pressing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and starts to leave.

The priest quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box."

"Well, Father, I pressed up against it, and you said that was the same as putting it in."