School Jokes

    Curators at India's Baroda Museum reported
irreparable damage to a priceless 3,000-year-old mummy, done by an overzealous cleaning
person who apparently opened the mummy's case and vacuumed the body. The vacuum removed
ancient dust, peeled toe paint, sucked off part of the nose, and loosened bandages.

    An anti-logging protester from radical Earth
First! was killed near Fortuna, CA, when one of the trees fell on him.

    In an unconfirmed report, a spokesperson for the
Italian Gattinoni fashion house announced Monica Lewinsky has agreed to model a blue
two-piece suit there during an October "Roma Outsize" fashion show in Milan. She'll
supposedly get $470,000, half of which will go to charity.... Gattinoni recently unveiled a flesh-colored skin-tight "condom dress" decorated with
Viagra pills.

    Saturday in Beaumont TX a 20-minute halftime
brawl erupted between the Southern University and Prairie View A&M marching bands as
the formations passed each other. Three people were taken to the hospital, four $5,000
tubas were bent, and one saxophone plus several pieces of uniform were reported missing.

    Avon is finally eschewing its all-door-to-door selling strategy and starting retail discount outlets.

    October's National Geographic will be the magazine's first with a scent strip. It's a scientific recreation of Cleopatra's perfume.