Insults

A young man goes to the department store to pick out a pair of gloves for his sweetheart. He is accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, who purchases a pair of panties. Unfortunately, the bags get mixed up, and the man ends up sending his sweetheart the pair of panties, along with this heartfelt note:

"Dearest Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out. Your sister was very insistent that the shorter fashions are easiest to remove. I know these are a delicate shade, but the salesgirl showed me a pair that she's been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. When she tried them on for me, she really quite smart.

The salesgirl recommends that you blow in them when you take them off as they will naturally be a little damp. Also, be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink.

I wish I could put them on you for the first time, but no doubt, other men's hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. Regardless, I'm sure all who see you in these will have great admiration for my excellent taste and your fine looks."