The Joke Oil Change
Read the funny Oil Change joke in Men/Women to make you laugh out loud :) See how long you can go with a straight face :| after seeing the Oil Change joke at BasicJokes.com!
Oil Change
Oil Change Joke |
---|
What's The Joke Oil Change?
Oil Change instructions for Women:
Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. Drink a cup of coffee. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change - $20.00 Coffee - $1.00 Total - $21.00. Oil Change instructions for Men: Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a scented tree. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. Open a beer and drink it. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. Place drain pan under engine. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. Give up and use crescent wrench. Unscrew drain plug. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process. Clean up mess. Have another beer while watching oil drain. Look for oil filter wrench. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off. Beer. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. Walk to 7-11; buy beer. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. Drink beer. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Drink beer. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. Begin cussing fit. Throw wrench. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992 in the left boob. Beer. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. Beer. Beer. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. Beer. Lower car from jack stands. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. Beer. Test drive car. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. Car gets impounded. Make bail. Get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts - $50.00 DUI - $2500.00 Impound fee - $75.00 Bail - $1500.00 Beer - $25.00 Total - $4150.00 But you know the job was done right! |
More Jokes
Funny Jokes Of The Day
- Another Dumb Blonde ‐ A young ventriloquist is touring …
- Peter Johansson: U.S. Customs Officers ‐ They're the only federal employee …
- Snow Parking ‐ Harry and Martha drank their coffee …
- Yo' Mama Is So Old... Sick Sea ‐ Yo' Mama is so old, when she was …
- Jock Booty Call... Muscle ‐ Hey babe, I think I pulled a groin …
- The Answer ‐ A chicken and an egg are lying …
- Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Ski Slope ‐ Yo' Mama is so fat, people use …
- Alien Booty Call... Heart ‐ You've stolen my heart. Luckily, …
- Yo Mama's Like a Toilet ‐ Yo mama's like a toilet -- round, …
- Irish on Vacation ‐ Q: Where does an Irish person go …
- Hole in the Wall ‐ A man took a poop in a gas station …
- The Blonde Flight Attendant ‐ An airline captain was helping …
- A Nun and Her Donkey ‐ A nun wanted to enter a racehorse …
- Laughter is the Best Medicine ‐ Dad always thought laughter was …
- Blonde's Appendicitis ‐ A blonde has sharp pains in her …
- The Crabby Cabbie ‐ A successful businessman flew to …
- Little Johnny is Number One ‐ While the teacher was conducting …
- Geek Booty Call... Worthy ‐ You are worthy of …
- BlondeMotorWorks ‐ Why does a blond prefer BMW over …
- Yo' Mama Is So Hairy... Velcro ‐ Yo' Mama is so hairy, she's suing …