The Joke Famous People Say the Darndest Things

Read the funny Famous People Say the Darndest Things joke in Pop Culture & Celebrity Jokes to make you laugh out loud :) See how long you can go with a straight face :| after seeing the Famous People Say the Darndest Things joke at BasicJokes.com!
Famous People Say the Darndest Things

Famous People Say the Darndest Things Joke |
---|
What's The Joke Famous People Say the Darndest Things?
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State) "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!' Patricia Arquette "And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan." George Burns "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." Carmen Boyle (Olympic gold medalist in luge, 1966) "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." Sharon Stone "My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading." Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers) "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee-the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." Dan Rather (News anchorman) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?" Arnold Schwarzenegger "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead) "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses) "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." Rev. Jesse Jackson "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne "In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?" Hugh Grant "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart., aging cover band singer |
More Jokes

Funny Jokes Of The Day
- Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Ride the Waves ‐ Yo' Mama is so fat, every time …
- The Doctor's Convention ‐ There's a bunch of doctors gathered …
- DUI Enforcement ‐ One night, a police officer was …
- Elderly Marriage and Medical Past ‐ Two elderly folks in a nursing …
- Iraqi Funerals ‐ Why do Iraqis only have 2 pallbearers …
- Geek Booty Call... Calculus ‐ I need some help with my calculus. …
- Useless Tickets ‐ A little kid goes to his first …
- Clone Humor ‐ Two clones are on a roof. One clone …
- Sheep and Kangaroo ‐ Q: What do you get when you cross …
- The Engineer and the Frog ‐ An engineer crosses a road when …
- Classic Booty Call... Tear ‐ If you were a tear in my eye, I …
- Merle Goes Out Drinking Every Night... ‐ Every night …
- The Deserted Island ‐ On a beautiful deserted island …
- Get What? ‐ Where'd you …
- Sex Before Marriage ‐ John: I didn't sleep with my wife …
- Alien Booty Call... Heart ‐ You've stolen my heart. Luckily, …
- The Praying Parrot ‐ A middle aged woman lived alone …
- Signs That The Vice President Has a Bad Heart ‐ 1. Always looks like he's pledging …
- Christmas Eve - Reindeers' Night Out ‐ What do the female reindeer do …
- In the Groove ‐ A hippie saunters into an urban …