The Joke Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List
Read the funny Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List joke in Pop Culture & Celebrity Jokes to make you laugh out loud :) See how long you can go with a straight face :| after seeing the Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List joke at BasicJokes.com!
Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List
| Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List Joke |
|---|
What's The Joke Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List?
December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2 - Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 - Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 - Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 - Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 - Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer Committee for consideration. December 7 - Debug Windows 2000 December 10 - Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11 - Lay Faberge egg. December 12 - Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. December 13 - Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. December 14 - Install plumbing in gingerbread house. December 15 - Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall. December 17 - Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire. December 19 - Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat. December 20 - Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture. December 21 - Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks. December 22 - Float votive candles in toilet tank. December 23 - Seed clouds for white Christmas. December 24 - Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25 - Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. December 26 - Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. December 27 - Build snowman in exact likeness of Jesus. December 31 - New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country. |
More Jokes
Funny Jokes Of The Day
- Yo' Mama Is So Fat... National Weather Agency ‐ Yo' Mama is so fat, the National …
- A Horoscope For The Workplace ‐ ASTROLOGY: tells us about you …
- Golf Advice ‐ Out on the golf course, a beautiful …
- Dead Frog ‐ A young boy walks into a whore …
- Dead Mama ‐ A blonde goes into work one morning …
- Walks Into a Bar... Leprechaun Pee ‐ A leprechaun walks into a bar. …
- Toothpaste Inventor ‐ Q: How do you know that someone …
- Clown Booty Call... Pie ‐ Wanna throw your pie in my face? …
- Who is Marylou?!? ‐ A woman came up behind her husband …
- Half Bush ‐ Bush's mother prayed fervently …
- Tasties in a Half Shell ‐ Q: Why did God invent …
- Mr. Ho and Mr. Wen ‐ Once there were two chinese gentlemen …
- Blonde Fish ‐ If a blonde could be any fish, …
- The Royal Honeymoon ‐ On the day of her wedding to Prince …
- Rattlesnake vs. Flaccid... ‐ What do a rattlesnake and a soft …
- Troubled Man ‐ A guy has a bad habit: He loves …
- Female Comebacks ‐ Man: Haven't I seen you someplace …
- Lucky Breaks & Crying Shames ‐ Q: What is the definition of a …
- Las Vegas Pro ‐ A guy is walking along the strip …
- Afterlife for IRS Cheaters ‐ Tony and his friend John die in …