Sports Jokes

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: "It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?"
-- Vanna White, "Wheel of Fortune" co-star

On Standards, the Mega-Rich
and: "I'd rather not talk about money.  It's kind of gross."</br>-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about
what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces

On Disco Music, Importance
of: "God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful."
-- Donna Summer, disco singer

On Giving It Your All: "I
think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard."
-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why
his team had lost an NBA contest

On Hostage-Taking, Fun For
All: "[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end
up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality."
-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni
parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors hostage

On Acting, Jean-Claude Van
Damme's Interesting Insights On: "In an action film you act in the action.  If it's a
dramatic film you act in the drama."-- Jean-Claude Van Damme, interviewed on
"Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous"

On Segues, Unfortunate:
"Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college."
-- Mike Leavitt, governor of Utah, introducing
Senator Larry Craig

On Book Reviews, Cogent:
"It's a very good historical book about history." -- former vice president Dan Quayle, about Paul
Johnson's Modern Times

On Civics Lessons, Vice
Presidential: "There are lots more people in the House.  I don't know how many
exactly-I never counted but at least a couple hundred."
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, attempting
to explain the difference between the House and the Senate

On Earth, Where Found:"
[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, on the
concept of a manned mission to Mars.